"I Wish I Looked Just Like Cheryl Tweedy" - (c) Lily Allen

There is a song that I'd like to share with the world...the world being the few people that visit this blog regularly (I love you some me).

The song is titled "Call the Shots" by British girl pop group Girls Aloud. Now look...Girls Aloud was formed in '02 from the British reality show Popstars. Before you go knockin' their hustle, remember the last time you shook your ass to Danity Kane. That's right, it was last night. I can recall the very first time I heard "Call the Shots." It was at my previous job working with the dynamic Dragonette (blog on them soon cometh). So I'm at the office while my boss was going through his usual laundry list of new songs he pulled from the blogs across the pond. Some were great, while most were downright cacophonic. With the help of some headphones and a strong will, I was able to drown out most of the crap that blared through the computer speakers. It was no dis to my boss because he agreed alot of the music sucked - what were some people thinking?

Anyway, one day this little gem began to play. I jumped up at the sound of perfectly placed synths in a Eurotrash setting. It was like the sluttiest outfit at a Sex Pistols cover band concert. The beginning of the song reminded me of New Order (R.I.P. Ian Curtis.) in its attempt to mold electro and synth into designer dance pop. And it worked! It was the perfect combination of pop tart and Euro - now that is a complete breakfast.

For those narrow minded yankees who can't bear to love something from the UK, check this. Cheryl Cole aka Cheryl Tweedy is like a low budget Posh Spice, married to a "footballer." She is also the hook singer on Will.i.Am's "Heartbreaker" so see, you know her already. Now get to know her vocal flatmates.

I still have no effing idea what the song is even about, but when the hook comes around, it is like one big lube ad. I have never felt more like a gay man than I do when I hear the hook to "Call the Shots." James Saint James comes skipping out of my head like a little sprite and we start dancing at the Roxy. I have glitter on my face and I'm wearing pink JNCO jeans. I break out glowsticks and the cast of Will and Grace is cheering me on. Men are topless wearing dog collars and Rock Hudson posters line the club. "We're doin' it for Liberace," I say! Then I wake up in a what I think is a foam party, but it is really my boss spraying me with a fire extinguisher, while the song on my iTunes play count reads "69."

In reality, the video depicts nothing of what's in my head. Their video concept is the birthplace of voguing, while mine is the birthplace of syphilis. We both have something in common though - Madonna's previous nightlife. It's a celebration bitches! Some may argue that this video is bland, but a bunch of British gals in couture standing around and voguing is way classier than anything anyone else could've imagined while playing this "meant for clubbing while rolling" song.

So now that you can mop your floors with the politically incorrectness that I've spilled all over this blog, let's watch the video!



I hope you love it as much as I do.